Man's Best Friend
by OnceUponAWonderland
Summary: Lily has made a big mistake, and now she must deal with the consequences. Discover the background behind Lily and Sirius's unyielding friendship and how James and Lily got together. Inspired by Lily's letter to Sirius in Deathly Hallows. MATURE CONTENT
1. Prologue

**A/N** - Okay guys here it is! The story that has been on my actually-publish-it waiting list for probably 2 years now. It's called Mans Best Friend (obviously) and is told from Lily's POV for the majority of it. This is the first installment (there will be more eventually). Hope you like it and I can't wait to hear some feedback!

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. If it were, would I really be writing this? Didn't think so.

Well... here goes. This is just the prologue so Enjoy!

* * *

**December 31st, 1977**

I am alone on New Years Eve.

Everyone is partying, awaiting the countdown until 1978. There is probably some heavy duty alcohol at the party. People are probably drinking, forgetting their sorrows for a few short, blissful hours. There is probably some pretty good music at the party too. People are sure to be dancing their hearts out next to best friends or boyfriends or even perfect strangers. And yet here I sit, in an empty broom closet, locked away from it all. Hiding. Why? Because I did something very, insanely stupid on Halloween, at a party very similar to this one – all of the Marauder's parties are similar. I danced to good music and drank the alcohol. Now I regret it. Any why do I regret it? Because I made a mistake – a big one.

What was my mistake?

I slept with James Potter.

I, Lily Evans, had sex with James Potter!

I, head girl Lily Evans, had sex with bloody obnoxious, gorgeous, head boy and marauder, James Potter.

And now I'm two months pregnant.


	2. To Trust a Black

**A/N** - wow my authors note for the prologue was almost as long as the prologue itself. This is also kind of short, but the chapters will get longer I promise.

R&R

Enjoy!

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**December 31, 1977 - 9:00 PM**

"Lily?" Damn, they found me.

"Come on Lily? It's New Year's Eve! Come out and let's party!!!" God bless Marlene and her constant 'let's party' attitude.

"I'm just not in the mood right now." I reply, trying to sound tired.

"Stop hiding and come party!" _Don't respond_, I tell myself.

"Lily….?" Mary whines.

They're not going to give up unless I face them are they? I sigh. Opening the door, I learned the situation was worse than I had thought. Marlene and Mary had somehow managed to drag the rest of our friends along to coach me out of my broom closet.

"I'm not going to the party girls. It just wouldn't be a good idea." I tell them. "Go have fun without me.

"You have to come to the party! If you don't, you'll miss New Years!" 6th year Alice Kensington protests.

"New Years will happen in here just the same as it will out there. I've told you, I'm not going to come to the party."

Surprisingly, they all shuffled away after that. Either I'm way more persuasive than I thought, or they were all more drunk than I thought. Either way, they were gone. I crawled back into my closet and curled up into a ball, hugging my legs to me.

By the way – the answer to your question is no, my friends have no idea.

I let the time tick away slowly, wallowing in self-misery. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have been so careless? How the hell could I have let this happen!?

****************

Sometime later I heard a soft click and the door to my closet swung open.

"I thought I heard someone crying in here!" Sirius Black's obnoxious voice shook me out of my depression. I lifted my head and glared at him. "Woah! Lily Evans?!"

"Go die Black." I snap.

"Shit Lils, what happened?" He asks, ignoring my rude response. "You look like crap."

"Gee, thanks."

"No, really," He shuts the door and shifts a box to the far corner before sitting down cross-legged across from me, "what's wrong?" I glare at him. "You can trust me."

"Prove it!" I demand without thinking. If I had been thinking, I wouldn't have said anything at all. Why would I want him to prove anything? So that I could spill my soul to him? Yeah right!

"I know you know about Remus --" I open my mouth to play innocent "I've known longer." I gasp and was shocked for a moment until I composed myself.

"Whatever. All that proves is that you can keep a secret from the rest of the school. You still tell the Marauders everything." I stood up and moved toward the door.

"Evans?" he tries. "Lily?" Slowly, I turned around. He motioned for me to sit and instinctively, I did. "My parents – my whole family actually, save for an uncle and a cousin – are practically evil. They're prejudiced, pureblood assholes." Where is this going, I wonder.

"When I was nine, my father began to beat me."

"No!" I gasped. Sirius gestured for me to remain quiet.

"I was different; not how they wanted me to be. When I got sorted into Gryffindor… well to say they were pissed off would be an understatement. They beat me close to death that Christmas holiday – or so I thought. I later realized that the beating I got then was nothing compared to what was in store."

A tear slid down my cheek and somewhere in the back of my mind computed that I was crying. For Sirius Black, of all people! Damn hormones!

"When I was sixteen, the summer before sixth year, my parents came to talk to me in my room. They told me that I was going to join the ranks of You-Know-Who. I refused. The beating I got was so horrible, I really was close to death – I know; a healer said so. But did my parents care? Of course not.

"As soon as I gained back enough strength to move, I grabbed my things and shoved them all into my Hogwarts trunk. Everything that could fit, I took with me. And I ran away." He paused and looked at me.

"You went to the Potters'…. To James." I whispered. Sirius nodded.

"I remember that day as if it were yesterday. I got to their door and knocked. Emily – Mrs. Potter – opened the door and screamed. I fainted.

"When I woke up again, the three Potters were standing around me, talking. "I don't know if he's strong enough to make it Harold" Emily was saying. Harold – Mr. Potter – was mumbling about wanting to know what had happened to me, though I'm positive he already knew. And James… James was crying. I had been out for a week. The healers were saying I would die." Now I was really crying. Tears were streaming down my cheeks and I wanted to reach out and hug the boy –yes, boy – in front of me.

"Seeing James that upset gave me the strength I needed. I woke up. I've never told anyone what happened the night I ran away – until now."

Safe to say, I was in shock.

"What I'm trying to say, Lily, is that James is like a brother to me. I don't like seeing him upset. And when you're upset, he's upset. So by default, I don't like seeing you upset." He finished. It was sound logic, my mind reasoned. "Please, tell me what's wrong. I really do care, and I'm trustworthy."

I gulped. "You can't tell James."

Silence.

And then Sirius nodded.


	3. Happy New Year's

**Disclaimer:** Only the plot is mine. And if I have created random new characters, I guess they're mine too.

Enjoy!

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**December 31, 1977 - 11:00 PM**

For two hours we sat in that broom cupboard. I told Sirius not only of my mistake with James (turns out James hadn't said anything to any of the Marauders!) and what it resulted in, but I told him every little problem going back to first year. I hadn't meant to tell him everything, but once I started talking, I couldn't stop. And he listened quietly, just as he said he would.

I explained the problem with Petunia, noticing for the first time that my story, and the story of the handsome playboy sitting with me, had quite a few similarities. As his brother had rejected him for being a Gryffindor, my sister had rejected me for being a witch. But when I got teary-eyed again, he didn't try to relate. Instead, he handed me a tissue from a recently-conjured tissue box and waited patiently for me to continue.

I confessed about Snape as well. "He was the one who told me I was a witch. He was the first person from this world I ever met, and my first real friend." And Sirius barely flinched. When I got to fifth year, however, and the 'betrayal of Severus Snape', as I called it, I couldn't control my tear glands.

"Bl-Bloody S-Stupid Hormones!" I choked out while Sirius wrapped me in an unexpected embrace. Sirius stammered out his apologies for the Marauders daily tormenting of Snape but I had grown to accept that.

"We always knew he was a git." Sirius said.

"But he was MY git!" I whined in between sobs.

"Well you've got yourself a new git now!" He joked happily, pointing a finger at his own chest. I laughed. The crying slowly turned to laughing as Sirius began dancing a funny jig and I suddenly, I was rolling around on the floor, the laughs shaking my entire body. Sirius sat back down, chuckling lightly and my own fit of laughter subsided. When I looked back at Sirius, he had grown serious again (no pun intended, I promise).

"Never think you can't talk to someone Lily. I will always be here for you no matter what." I blushed. "Whether you need someone to cover for you when you have appointments at the hospital or you just want help bringing in a crib – I'll be there."

_What the hell?_, is the thought that rushes through my head. Had I just made myself a friend-for-life? One that wouldn't desert me to become a death eater? Could I really count on Sirius to be there for me always? _Yes, yes I could_, was the answer I got.

"No telling James!" I shout. "Not a single thing do you hear me Sirius Black? Not a thing!"

"Okay." He agrees without hesitation. I am stunned. He takes my hand and unlocks the cupboard, leading me out into the deserted corridor.

"I should probably get going. Everyone has probably assumed I'm off shagging some random girl." He explains, rather shyly.

"Don't disappoint them on my account!" I joke. He stares at me open-mouthed. "I mean 'go have fun' silly!" A grin replaces the stunned look and he runs off. I slowly make my way around the bend in the corridor and down another.

I'm wandering, I tell myself. I don't have a place in my mind, nor do I feel the need to be anywhere. My feet are simply taking me wherever they feel like taking me. I suppose I could go to a party, and just not drink. Or dance. Or have any fun at all.

'_Or you could go, not drink, dance the night away and have the time of your life!_' Ugh, great. That obnoxious voice was back; the same voice that had taken my thoughts hostage and replaced them with the truth, resulting in my going to Madam Pomfrey's. '_Some call me a conscience, Lily.'_ Oh shut up.

The voice continued to attempt to sway me as me feet led me toward the Gryffindor common room. But there might be a party there….

"No!" I shouted when I appeared in front of the port hole, scaring the fat lady and receiving a nasty glare. "Sorry" I walked briskly back the way I had come, going up and down stairs as they presented themselves. After a while, I recognized where I was headed: The Room of Requirement! In other words, the most perfect, lovely, amazing hiding place in all of Hogwarts.

Except for, someone was already using it.

"Lily!" Alice's way-too-happy-to-see-me and all-too-drunk voice cried out. Marlene, while attempting to stifle her own giggles, covered Alice's mouth and shushed her. I sighed. It's a wonder they don't get caught.

"Lily! Are you coming to the party? It's so much fun!" Mary yelled. I groaned. How could I have forgotten? The Marauder's New Years Eve party…. They'd be planning it since 5th year….

The three girls came to my side and began dragging me into the room. Not that I wasn't totally capable of fighting them off; they were drunk and I had some serious muscle (James had been begging me to join the Quidditch team for years). For some reason though, I couldn't bring myself to fight them off. Maybe it was my subconscious, maybe I wanted to take Sirius's advice and tell James, or maybe my evil conscience had managed to take my normal thoughts hostage. Whatever the case, I was getting closer and closer to the party and my friends were as determined as ever.

"Come on Lils stop struggling!" _Oh well, you tried._ Shut up you evil conscience!

* * *

My first thought was that the Marauders had completely outdone themselves. Again. (They have hosted every party so far this year and each new party has outdone the others.) I looked around at the party goers and realized with a shock that almost everyone 4th year and up was here – including many younger Slytherins. The room was decorated in all silvers and golds, purples and greens - balloons and tables and little plastic necklaces and noisemakers. There was a whole section of the room devoted to alcohol, and tables with food lined the walls. A huge dance floor took up space in front of a large stage, where some kid was acting as DJ, playing every hit song from the year. Strobe lights flashed and the music pulsated in the huge speakers that hung on the walls and ceiling. But the biggest, most noticeable feature by far was the gigantic clock above the stage that counted down the time until midnight.

"Come on Lily! Let's dance!" Mary called, pulling me out onto the dance floor. My body responded before my brain had time to tell it not to and before I knew it, I was dancing. After a few songs, I was having fun. So much fun, in fact, I didn't care that while everyone else was funneling the seemingly endless amount of booze, I was drinking water and soda.

When there were minutes left until midnight the music stopped and The Marauders climbed up onto the stage. James took the microphone (a symbol of power, I assumed, seeing as he could have just cast a sonorous spell).

"Hey everyone! Hope you're enjoying the party - I know I am!" The crowd cheered. I looked around. A few of the younger kids were moving through the crowd handing out firecrackers and more noisemakers and hats. "We've got about a three minutes until midnight and we just wanted to make sure everyone knew when this party was ending – 4th and 5th years are asked to be in their common rooms by 2am – I will be enforcing this. Everyone else, leave whenever but don't blame us if you can't move tomorrow. And now, we've got about 60 seconds. Happy New Years everyone!" The crowd cheered even louder as the regular clock turned into a countdown display. The Marauders rushed off stage and disappeared into the crowd. I allowed my mind to wander instead of looking at the display.

_Tic. Toc. Tic. Toc._ Wow, I really have to pee. Tic_. Toc. Tic. Toc. Tic. Toc. Tic. Toc._ I wonder if Sirius ever found a girl to shag. _Tic. Toc. Tic. Toc. Tic. Toc. Tic. Toc. Tic. Toc._ My friends seem to have disappeared – I hope they're having fun. _Tic. Toc. Tic. Toc. Tic. Toc. Tic. Toc. Tic. Toc. Tic. Toc. Tic. Toc._

"TEN!" Oh are we counting now? "NINE!" There's Alice. Oh good, she's with Frank, her boyfriend. "EIGHT!" Wait a second – who am I going to kiss at midnight? I began glancing around for a friend, a random boy, anybody! People have paired up all around me and I feel my face fall.

"SIX!"

"Looking for me?" I spin around. Sirius stands behind me, grinning like a goof.

"Uhhh…" I stammer. Sirius pats my back and wraps a protective arm around my waist. I try to open my mouth to tell him that I wasn't looking for him, but instead I hear myself shout an excited "FOUR!"

"Sirius --" We are walking swiftly to the front of the room. I can see James up ahead, standing alone.

"THREE!" No, please no.

"TWO!" Suddenly, a group of people moved in front of James and Sirius and I were blocked.

"ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!" All around me people were celebrating. The group in blocking Sirius and I moved aside and I swear, my heart stopped.

Three things seemed to happen all at once.

First, Sirius halted suddenly and I looked to see why.

Second, my world fell out from under me and I decided that Marlene McKinnon should go to hell. Why? Because straight ahead of me, where James Potter had been standing alone only seconds before, now stood two figures completely intertwined, locking lips like there was no tomorrow.

And third, I threw my cup of water at the git and as he turned to see me, I turned and kissed his best friend, Sirius Black, full on the lips.

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**A/N** -- What do you think so far??? I have a really bad habit of making my chapters too short so if length is a problem just let me know and I'll start combining chapters (the whole first installment is already written, though I may be changing it up a bit here and there).

For those of you who are reading Diligo Victem Nex (my Tom/Ginny time travel fic), I need your opinion. Would you rather I continue working on that and update this when I have time, or would you rather me finish uploading this whole story and work on DVN when I have time?

Thanks and hope you're liking this story!

~onceuponawonderland


	4. Notes, Notes, So Many Notes

**A/N** - Okey dokey. Here's more of Man's Best Friend. Just a helpful hint for when you're reading... uh... a certain part of it. Italics = Lily, bold = Sirius.

**Disclaimer:** Wish it were mine, but alas, it belongs to JKR.

Enjoy!

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******January 1****st****, 1978**

Whispers followed me the whole way from my dorm, which Marlene had conveniently stayed away from last night, to the Great Hall for breakfast. At least a dozen rumors were already making the rounds, all about the previous night's party mainly focusing on Sirius and myself. I ignored it all and strode with my head held high, intending to apologize to Sirius for my irrational behavior. I blame it all on the hormones. Stupid hormones.

I opened the doors to the Great Hall and winced at the noise that greeted me: loud shouting, amidst a sea of whispers.

"You knew how I feel about her! I love her!" James was shouting at Sirius.

"Really, James? Well you sure have a funny way of showing it!"

"You stole her away from me!"

"Too bad!" Oh Sirius.

"Too bad? What do you mean, 'too bad'? I refuse to let you date her!" James exclaims. My eyebrows raise all the way up to my hairline.

"Well I won't let you date her either dumbass!" Excuse me????

"Hello??" I shout and voila! Instant silence! "I believe it's my decision who I date thank you very much!"

"Lily!" James cries. I glare at him and he backs away.

"Morning love," says Sirius. And with that little greeting, suddenly he is kissing me. Last night, my thoughts had been consumed by hatred toward Marlene and James. Today though, my mind was clear(er). As Sirius pulled away and sat me down next to him on the bench I was able to actually reflect on the kiss. No wonder so many girls seemed to fall head-over-heels for this guy! He had the most talented pair of lips I've ever experienced. Too bad I am already in love with Jam- no! I am in love with nobody. Lily Evans is fair game!

Why though, was Sirius playing along? I asked him this question in charms of course (via note of course).

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SIRIUS POV

I glanced up from my doodles when a neatly folded note landed on my desk. None of the Marauders folded notes that way – ours are always airplanes or crumpled bits of parchment. Just as I subconsciously asked who was sent the note Remus (I'm beginning to think he learned legimency and never told us) kicked my foot and pointed at someone once he had my attention. I followed his pointing finger toward the girl sitting in the row ahead of us on the other side of the aisle.

Lily.

I smiled at her and held up the note, showing her that I had it. She nodded. Satisfied, she turned back to her work and I unfolded the parchment.

_Subject: Breakfast._

_Question: Why???_

I raised one eyebrow (the one Slytherin-like trait about me I haven't tried to get rid of) and quickly sent the note back with a reply.

**You tell me! What was last night about?**

_You know bloody well what last night was about Sirius._

**Okay, I know that part. As for today – I don't really know.**

_So you just yelled at Potter for no reason?_

**He was being a right git.**

_And kissing me?_

**I figured that would be a harder blow than actually hitting him. **

**Besides, kissing you made him so mad he couldn't say around any longer and I got to keep my face arranged how I like it. Also, he deserved it. **

_Okay…. How did he deserve it? I mean, he's usually a right git, but he's your best mate is he not?_

**He was trying to tell me not to date you. Saying I couldn't, that I love-potioned you, etc. **

_What the hell?!_

**Not talking about it now. Changing subject:**

**You're a good kisser, when you're not pissed off or stunned. Just saying.**

_Sweet Merlin Sirius…._

_So are we dating? Or just pretending?_

* * *

LILY POV

I watched, annoyed, as Sirius looked up at the clock and stuffed the note into his bag. I sighed.

The bell rang just then, shrilly announcing the end of the first class of the day. Hastily, I gathered my things and made my way to the door. Before I could actually leave the classroom though, Sirius fell into step beside me and slipped my bag off my shoulder and onto his.

"Sirius – give me my bag."

"Kiss me first." Ugh. He knew I wouldn't kiss him until I had an answer to my question, which meant he would get to play the role of boyfriend and feed the gossip mill.

"Sirius…" I whine. He makes kissy faces at me. By now we are halfway to my class, which is in the opposite direction of his! "Fine!" I grab at his shirt to stop him in his tracks and give him what I meant to be a chaste kiss. He obviously had other ideas though, because the quick little peck somehow became a full-on snog right there in the hallway.

Damn hormones!!! I scream mentally, but Merlin I need this. Pregnancy is great and all, the miracle of life and the likes, but it's really tough when you have no reprieve from the stupid, unrelenting hormones!

Our bags drop to the ground and our arms wrap around each other. Tongues dance a tango and hands grasp fleetingly at clothing, before remembering ourselves and unclenching the fabric.

"Get a room!" Sirius and I break apart, a blush rising on my cheeks as James rudely brushes past shouting. "Or better yet, don't do it at all!"

"Ignore him Lily." Sirius says, taking my hand, placing my bag back over his shoulder and walking the rest of the way to my class, leaving me as confused as ever about our "relationship".

As soon as class began I charmed my quill to take the necessary notes in my arthimancy notebook. I do this often in class, so that I can get what I need to get done, done. As arthimancy is one of my best subjects, I figure it's okay to tune-out a bit in class. Today, I decided to get a head start on the charms essay. I drew up an outline.

'_Open it Lily. Stop putting it off!'_

I ignored my conscience and began filling out the outline. Professor Vector then set us in partners and gave us charts and keys to decipher. I was paired with a friendly Ravenclaw boy whom I had worked with a few times before: Andrew Milton.

"Hey Andrew," I say sweetly when he sits down next to me.

"So, you're Black's new play-toy huh?" great god of power, you've got to be kidding me. Really? Was he seriously going to treat me like a tramp now?

"No."

"No?"

"No. I am not his "play-toy" and I never will be. Understand?" Andrew caught my snappy tone and dropped the subject. Mumbling a "sorry" he began to work on examining the charts. I glared at my desk and started looking at the key.

Twenty-five minutes later, I was still being stubborn and ignoring my nagging conscience.

"Lily…" It warned.

"Fine!" All eyes turned and stared at me. I felt my cheeks go read and I apologized to the onlookers. "Stubborn problem. Sorry."

Once everyone resumed their work, I dug around in the pocket of my bag for the note that had landed on my desk shortly I had sent the note to Sirius in charms. While Andrew eyed me strangely, I unfolded the crumpled up piece of parchment and read it under the desk.

I hope you know what you've gotten yourself into, because

you'll be just the same as the rest of them.

I thought you were smarter than this, but I was wrong.

You're just another one of Sirius Black's stupid whores.

* * *

**A/N** - Dun Dun Dun..... Any guesses on who the note was from?

Let me know what you thought of the chapter please?

~onceuponawonderland


	5. Deja Vu Anyone?

**A/N** - the plot thickens....

Let me know what you think. This was my baby (the story, I mean) for the longest time and though my writing has changed a lot since I wrote this and I'm changing minuscule bits as I go, I'm wondering what the reactions would have been if I posted this back when I was actually writing it. Granted, if I had done that I probably wouldn't have finished it, because I would have psyched myself out etc. etc. Anyways, here's more of Man's Best Friend.

Enjoy!

**------------------**

By the end of the day, 'Sirius and Lily' had become Hogwarts most talked about couple, and I didn't even know if we were a real couple yet!

"Since when", "how did it happen" and "how's Potter taking it" were just the most popular topics. However, what I heard the most throughout the day was an understanding, "so _that's_ why she kept turning Potter down!"

If you haven't gotten the idea already (which you probably haven't because I haven't let on much have i?) this whole ordeal was rather amusing, if not extremely irritating.

* * *

As the week went by, Sirius and I continued to play the role of boyfriend and girlfriend. We held hands, sat together and kissed in the hallways. He walked me to my classes and I gave up trying to carry my own bag.

"Your bag weighs more than Flitwick's stack of books – Flitwick included! You're mad if you think I'm going to let you carry it." I decided then to let him have his way; the tone in his voice had told me that carrying my things had a lot less to do with being my "boyfriend" and a lot more to do with my pregnancy than he let on.

And of course, as we became even better at our charade, James – no, Potter – grew more and more intolerable. He hexed anyone and everyone who got on his nerves, treated Sirius and I like the lowest form of dirt and glared at anyone who dared speak of us as a "happy couple". Sirius had suffered many a blow from James within the week because he (Sirius) refused to let James anywhere near me.

"Sirius, he's not going to hurt me," I plead. I don't understand why I want to talk to James so badly – it's not like I like him.

"He might. And then he would hurt the baby." I sigh. "I'm not letting him near you Lily. Absolutely no way."

* * *

And so the days went. While for the "public" we played the role of boyfriend and girlfriend, when we were alone we grew to become quite close. As scary as it might sound, I found myself seeking out a new best friend in the form of Sirius Black! (No wonder his animagus form is a dog.) Oh! And while I'm not attracted to Sirius in, well, I can't exactly say I'm not physically (face it, the guy's a hunk) attracted to him, but though I'm not attracted to him in _that_ way, we did actually act "couple-y" as Alice describes, when it's just the two of us.

* * *

On the first Sunday of March (aka, today), Sirius dragged me to his Quidditch practice where James, the captain, barely even looked at him. Afterwards, once the pitch cleared out, Sirius decided it was time to teach me how to fly "before I got too big to fit on a broom" **(A/N yeah – forget safety or anything =P)**. He taught me how to steer and how to accelerate, decelerate and get off without falling. Once I had flown adequately enough on my own, we went for a walk around the lake.

"I have another appointment with Madam Pomfrey on Tuesday, during dinner." I tell him as we sit down beneath a tree on the lake's shore. He nods as if committing the information to memory.

"I'll be there." I smile.

For the next five-or-so minutes, we sit quietly, staring out at the huge expanse of the black lake. While I have no idea what Sirius was thinking, I can tell you that the main thought running through my head was "how could I have been so lucky to have gotten something so good out of this, when I clearly don't deserve it?" Now, I couldn't have told you what Sirius was thinking, but if you had asked me to guess, I certainly wouldn't have said what he obviously was thinking, as demonstrated by what he said to me next.

"You need to tell him."

"Excuse me?" I exclaim. I thought we were on the same boat here? I thought he didn't deserve to know because of the way he has been acting?

"He's the father, Lily. He'll want to know. If I had a baby out there, I would want to know. You need to tell him." I still haven't told Sirius about the note I received the Monday of last week. He didn't know that James now saw me as "just another one of Sirius Black's whores".

"I can't, Sirius." I say quietly. That note has been etched in my mind for a week now. I remember the exact curves of his letters, and the tidy scrawl made messier by the anger behind the quill. I have tried to forget about it, to leave it behind, but like that fateful Halloween night, forgetting was simply impossible. The consequences were too hard to escape. With Halloween, the consequence was this baby. My baby; James' baby; our baby. With this note, the consequence was my drastic change of feeling. I had been extremely hurt by his words and I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive him.

"You'll have to. I'll give you two more months, and if you don't tell by then, I'll write your family and tell James." I gasp. He wouldn't! "He needs to know. Your family needs to know, but mostly, James needs to know. He needs to know – you just don't want him to."

Oh but I do, I do want him to know. I just can't tell him. Not now. Not after that hateful note he sent me.

* * *

I sat by the lake even after Sirius left to go to lunch. I simply wasn't hungry.

Telling James was out of the question. As much as I want him in this child's life, I was simply to hurt to tell him. But then there is the matter of my parents. They would never accept this. Petunia would have a field day, my parents would likely kicks me out and I'd be alone – they'd make sure of that. Oh sure, they were accepting and proud of the whole "your daughter is a witch" thing. The "your daughter had sex" thing… not so much. (Petunia broke that rule, but she didn't get pregnant, and she's marrying the bastard, so she's off the hook.)

And yet, I have to tell someone! Someone other than Sirius, I mean. As close as I am to the girls, I can't tell them. They'd been trying to push James and me together for years. If they found out I was pregnant with his child…. Let's just say Mary hasn't been blessed with the ability to keep her mouth shut like the rest of us have. But then, who? Severus Snape, my only friend from before Hogwarts…. was no longer my friend and hated the Marauders. Damn.

"Hey Lily, can we talk?" Remus Lupin! Of course! Remus, though a Marauder, wouldn't dare tell a secret if someone trusted him to keep quiet. He was sweet, and caring and a great listener! He wouldn't judge me either, because Remus simply isn't that kind of guy. He'll probably disapprove of my little game with Sirius, but at least he'll understand.

"Hi Remus." I greet him warmly, patting the ground next to me for him to sit down. He obliges. But before I can speak, he starts talking at me.

"Something is up with you Lily and don't think I won't find out. I know you – you wouldn't even dream of dating Sirius Black and yet here you are: his girlfriend. Something's not right here and we both know it."

"Remus, I -"

"No Lily, let me talk," he says. I'm quiet again. "I also know Sirius Lily and I know that deep down, he's a great guy, very trustworthy and caring. My logic tells me one thing, and yet something in my gut is telling me that there is more to this than people think." I knew I could count on Remus. "It's okay, I understand. But I think you're being stupid about this." What?

"I'm sure he cares about you, yes, but there are so many other people who care about you. You shouldn't date someone just because you feel that it's the only way to feel wanted, or needed, or loved." Apparently, he didn't understand as well as he thought he did. "Sirius is capable of many things, Lily, but he can't necessarily be what you need."

"You don't understand." I whisper.

There are few people who have ever seen the full wrath of Remus Lupin. Personally, I have only seen it happen once, and that was last year, when Snape called me a mudblood and Sirius… well Sirius pulled a really stupid, dangerous prank involving Remus. For those of you who don't know that story, I have no wish to retell it here so you'll have to look elsewhere. As I was saying, I had only seen the wrath of Remus Lupin once, but I had a feeling I was about to see it again.

"I don't understand?" he spoke slowly, menacingly, "I don't understand? Tell me Lily Evans, what don't I bloody-well understand?"

"You don't understand what I'm going through." I explain timidly. I think Remus is the one Marauder I am actually truly scared of sometimes.

"Well I'm sorry Lily, that life is so damn hard for you even your closest friends can't possibly sympathize. I'm sorry your best friends don't have the privilege of being trusted like Sirius obviously is. I thought maybe, your friends meant more to you than that."

And that's when I started sobbing, again. This is me, sobbing, in front of a Marauder, again. And two hours later (well, more like two and a half this time, because there was a lot more to the story), another Marauder had earned my complete trust and I had spilled the entire story, again.

I was really starting to hate these damn hormones.

* * *

**A/N** - by the way, I don't really know what being pregnant is actually like; I've only ever watched movies and read books/fanfics about it, but I think I have a pretty good idea. If I'm completely wrong, I'm terribly sorry but just try and think of it as.... she's Lily, and a witch, so maybe it's a little different. Or, you know, just let me know and I'll try to fix it as I go.

Thanks! Reviews are really nice.

~onceuponawonderland


	6. Author's Note

**Authors Note: **

Okay, I apologize profusely for my unacceptably short chapters. I didn't even realize how short they were until just now. See, I've been typing everything up as I go, because I'm weird and paranoid and I wrote this whole story out the old fashioned way before even starting to type it up. My chapters were short then so now that they're typed…. It's unacceptable and I promise I will fix this. The next chapter will be the proper, acceptable length!!! I promise!!!

I'm very, very sorry and I know that my webbed feet have come back and I'll be eating flies soon because of this. ("I am a frog" is what I mean, and yes that is an adequate insult for those of you who think I'm stranger than a meatball. Okay, I am most definitely stranger than a meatball now that I've actually called a meatball strange…)

I am going to shut up now because I'm most likely annoying the hell out of you readers.

Thank you and good night.

~The Frog who calls herself _onceuponawonderland_


	7. Show Time!

Chapter 6

Holy crap, I'm posting a chapter! This is actually really exciting, since I haven't posted anything in a really long time. Okay, so this is going to be another really short one, but hopefully I'll keep posting and the chapters will get longer and longer. Fingers crossed! Oh! And review! Please review and let me know what you think. It's been a while since I've worked on this story so if the writing style or characterization or anything is too different let me know.

Okay! Enjoy!

* * *

Though Remus wasn't at all supportive of what Sirius and I were doing, he kept his mouth shut. And if Sirius wasn't happy about Remus knowing, he didn't let on. James, however, let his feelings (however ignorance-influenced they were) known to whoever would listen. He continued to torment Sirius and I, shouting for all of Hogwarts to hear that I was just another of Sirius's tramps and purposely trying to mess Sirius up in classes, and ceased talking to Remus all-together, apparently preferring to give him the cold shoulder.

Unfortunately, James wasn't the only one against us. Many of the males at Hogwarts were against Sirius, claiming that he was using me and I was too naïve to realize his motives. Girls, especially those who'd been crushing on the Marauders for years now, had taken to spreading rumors that I was cheating on Sirius with Remus (among other terrible things). I tried my best to ignore it all.

On Wednesday morning, I walked into the Great Hall with my head held high. Today was bound to be a good day. I had three of my favorite classes (charms, potions, and transfiguration), and Madam Pomfrey had told me last night that my baby was as healthy as could be. I walked with a bounce in my step, happily making my way to the Gryffindor table where Sirius and Remus were sitting with a spot saved for me.

"Morning, boys!" I chirped, sliding into the spot between them.

"Morning," they replied, sounding tired. James had probably given Sirius a hard time last night for getting back so late (as promised, he had come to my appointment with Madam Pomfrey). Suddenly, Sirius's eyes dart down to my abdomen, and return, anxiously, to my face. I give him a puzzled look. His eyes, now wide and serious-looking, dart down to my abdomen and back to my face again and this time, Remus follows his gaze.

"What? What's wrong?" I ask, trying to understand their weird behavior.

Instead of answering, Remus takes out a piece of spare parchment and a quill. Sirius watches me anxiously while Remus scribbled a quick note. Reading it under the table, I finally understood.

_You're showing._

I look up at them, panic rising in me. Remus grabs the paper back from me and scribbles something else.

_Have you learned the concealment charm yet?_

I shake my head, sadly. I had looked up the charm work necessary to conceal a baby bump and, unfortunately, I wouldn't be able to perform it myself. Not only was it too dangerous for the mother to perform, the charms cast on the Hogwarts castle would prevent me from hiding another person without permission. If I am showing, I'll have to talk to Dumbledore. If I am showing, Sirius will probably make me tell James soon (despite his two-month rule). And if I am showing, when I go home for Petunia's wedding, I'll have to tell my parents.

"Shit," I whisper. Sirius and Remus nod, sharing in my sentiment. "What am I going to do?"

I look from Sirius to Remus and back again, but they aren't paying attention to me. They've already moved into action, apparently communicating silently in the few seconds I had waited to ask about a plan. Without attracting attention, Remus cast a small enlargement spell on my uniform (I had forgotten my robes), while Sirius walked quickly up to the heads table. Seconds later, he came back and grabbed my arm, pulling me into a standing position and pulling me out of the Great Hall.

We didn't stop until we had reached the stone gargoyles that guarded Dumbledore's office, and even then we didn't stop for long.

"Lemon Drop," Sirius called. As soon as the gargoyles began opening, Sirius maneuvered me onto the stairway. When we reached the antechamber, the doors were already open, and Dumbledore was waiting inside.

"I hear you have something urgent to tell me, Ms. Evans. Why don't you two have a seat," Dumbledore said calmly, motioning to the two chairs in front of his desk, "and start from wherever you feel reasonable."

As Sirius began explaining my situation to the headmaster, I began to let my mind wander. How could I have let this happen? How could I have ever been so stupid? I knew that one day, I would have to tell everyone. After all, it was only fair. James, as the father, had a right to know. And my child, as Sirius had somewhat rudely explained last week, would inherit everything should anything happen to James, so long as James accepted paternity. I sighed. At least the teachers wouldn't have to know immediately.

"Lily, are you listening?" Sirius questioned. My head snaps up to look at Dumbledore and Sirius to find them both staring at me. Apparently, Dumbledore had just asked a question. I quickly apologize and ask them to repeat the question.

"I was asking if there were any other teachers besides Professor McGonagall that you would like to tell." With a sigh of relief, I shake my head no.

"But Lily," I look up again, "You must tell James." And even though there was nothing but kindness and sincerity in the headmaster's eyes, I couldn't help but glare at Sirius for telling him I didn't wanted to tell James. "I understand that it may be difficult, but James must know. It's what must be done."

I want to say I know, that I want to tell James, but simply can't. That I'm too scared, too hurt by James's treatment of me, too worried about what his reaction might be. Instead, I change the subject.

"What about my bump?"

"Ah. Your bump," Dumbledore replies, his eyes twinkling as in if anticipation of hearing an intriguing secret, "please stand."

I do so, and in one solid motion (and after saying the words "concelio apregnatus"), Dumbledore makes my bump disappear entirely. The strangest thing was, though, that if I put my hand down to where the bump was, I could still feel it in all its glory. I smiled. All I had to do was not run into anyone, and this would be easier than I thought. And since I was already standing, Dumbledore stood up to see us out.

"I will inform Professor McGonagall tonight. If there is anything you find you need, do not hesitate to contact her," Dumbledore said as a parting remark.

As Sirius guided me down the stairs, I checked my watch and realized we had completely missed our first class of the day. Suddenly furious with Sirius for making me late to charms, when speaking with Dumbledore could have easily waited until our free period, I stormed off in the direction of charms, ignoring Sirius's calls to slow down or wait for him.

Still angry, I ignored Sirius all throughout charms and stayed with Remus during the free period. At the end of the day though (after rumors had begun to circulate that Sirius and I had fought), Sirius brought me some snacks from the kitchens (I had been craving pickles lately, but had started to get too tired to walk down to the kitchens at 10pm) and Remus claimed to need a book from the library and offered to drop off some books I had finished. So, as I went to sleep, it dawned on me just how much I was depending on these two boys to take care of me and my baby, and I realized, a bit guiltily, that I hadn't done anything in return. Even worse, I realized that I had been ignoring my other friends. The girls still tried to talk to me every now and then, but I had been giving them such short, quick answers and running off that for the most part, they had stopped trying.

The next day, I made sure to apologize to Sirius for being irrational, and ordered a large supply of chocolate products from Honeydukes (for Remus) and a box of prank materials from Zonkos (for Sirius) to give to them as thank you presents. And, at breakfast, instead of sitting with Sirius and Remus at the end of the table, I sat down next to Alice and Mary and struck up a conversation. I, Lily Evans, was going to be a better friend from now on.


End file.
